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Out-of-Body States, Mount Kailash, and the Dark Night of the Soul

Kindle and paperback, out on Amazon. A two-hour read. For anyone who has had experiences they stopped describing out loud.

He was not born. He arrived — at eleven months.

That is where the regression sessions kept returning him: a vast sphere of consciousness under the ceiling of a stuffy room, looking down at a small body on a sofa, knowing exactly what that body would have to go through. Then the contact. Then amnesia falling like a curtain — the only fuse that keeps a human mind from burning out on arrival.

By fourth grade he could see two lights on every person he met. A thick, honest one at the throat, where what they actually meant was formed. A murkier one leaving the mouth, where what they said out loud came from. He assumed everyone could do this. It took years to understand that they could not.

This is the record of what happened after. It is written with no promise attached.

• Sleep paralysis and spontaneous out-of-body states from earliest childhood — and the rule he learned fast: tell no one
• Years of alcohol used deliberately, as anesthesia against a world that would not close
• A Reiki attunement that detonated inside his skull and left something like a transmitter above his head for weeks afterward
• Three regression hypnosis sessions that produced none of what regression is supposed to produce: no guides, no angels, no past lives on demand. In one of them, told to look up at the gentle light of his own soul, he saw a white-hot star — and his physical eyes watered from the burn
• An exorcism performed on him by monks on Mount Athos, who concluded his soul had been dark since birth
• A pilgrimage to Mount Kailash, and one night there that he spent the following years trying to understand
• Years of Kriya Yoga, and an attempt to draw up a framework that would keep the world from ending
• And then all of it collapsing into the dark night of the soul

What is unusual here is not the intensity of the experiences. It is what the author declines to build on top of them.

Every specialist he went to handed him a different verdict. A being of the eighth density. A system error. An ancient battle mage the Earth would not let incarnate. The personal mentor of the Buddha. A soul carrying the heaviest karma; a soul carrying none at all. He stopped believing all of them, including the flattering ones.

There is no teaching here, no system, no method, and nothing for sale. The author does not claim to have gone far, and says so directly. He wrote it down because when he was going through it, he could not find a single honest account written from the inside.

If it was useful to you

An honest review is close to the only thing that helps this book reach the next reader. Honest beats kind: if something did not work for you, say that.

And if you have lived through something similar and gone further than I have — write.